A fog is a light burden.

hand

I often hear depression described as a fog, but that’s not what it’s like for me.

It’s more like a plastic casing, thin and malleable enough to do the most basic of movements. But even with its malleability, the plastic seems to weigh heavily on my entire frame, making my movements sluggish and my energy rapidly decrease.

A fog blurs, but this plastic is clear enough to see what is on the outside.

“It’s like drowning,
except you can see everyone around you breathing.”

My thoughts seem clearer than they ever have before, depicting my true form, revealing every mistake and every flaw. The clearest thoughts, though, are the ones that cry for help. There is nothing foggy about the screams I see alive in my mind, unable to give them voice. A raking inside my skull mimics the metaphorical fingernails scratching at the sarcophagus it has made for itself.

My eyes droop at the extra energy lost trying to calm them.

They say depression rolls in, but sometimes it knocks you off your feet. A memory, a few distant words, and depression wraps itself around you, encasing you once again.

The worst thing about depression isn’t a fog covered image of your life, it’s quite the opposite really. It’s seeing everything function around you, moving forward, while you’re stuck attempting to join in. It’s the constant “snap out of it!” thoughts that are shouting at you from within, unable to come to fruition.

Even the numbness that comes forth reverberates through my skin, suffocated by the plastic film tightening itself around my torso and limbs. The smiles I muster threaten to tear and reveal what I’m really feeling. The plastic is heavier and breathing is shallow, the light in my eyes is dim.

A fog is a light burden compared to the heaviness within.

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~ by Moonstruck on December 12, 2014.

One Response to “A fog is a light burden.”

  1. Reblogged this on (S)crawl Foreword.

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