And I can breathe again.

I feel like I should put in a more relaxed post that isn’t laced with intense emotion and depth. Things don’t always have to be so serious and at the moment, I’ve just stuffed my face with four pieces of pizza and am staring at the chocolate lava cake that came with my order. So I mean, why not bask in my (near) satiation? One of the most aggravating things about life is that as soon as you start to feel calm and comfortable, things shift and you’re inevitably faced with things you would rather not deal with or feel. Also, I find myself quite tired a lot of the time (not for lack of trying), and as the ever influential  Neitzche says,

“When we are tired,
we are attacked by ideas we conquered long ago.”

So rather than brood in the anxiety and nostalgia, I will take this time to list some things I am grateful for. This idea was motivated by my friend Leroy, who has recently started a self-improvement blog. What’s that? I’m promoting?

I have no idea what you’re talking about

pssst click the above to see the post that inspired me

1. Kesha

Although she is trying her best to steal my attention away at the moment by blocking my view of the screen entirely, I appreciate her company greatly. She came to me at a wonderful time in my life, prompting me to get out of bed even if for a little while, so that I could lure her out from under the bed and make sure she ate.

Oh, I’m talking about my cat by the way. But I adore the singer, too.

I was never a pet person and never expected to have one of my own, unless it were a chameleon. Chameleons are awesome. But my cousin rescued the poor little thing and something compelled me to take her. Now she greets me at the door and offers immediate cuddles. She also pouts if I’m gone for too long, so I expect a grumpy kitty when I get back from Virginia in about a week.

I have so many photos of her and I, but this is one of my favourites:

picture756

2. Chocolate

I just ate that chocolate lava cake from Domin’s pizza and it obliterated my craving whilst forcing happy hormones to expel themselves from my brain. Thank you chocolate. I love you, forever and always.

3. People

Friends

Despite being a complete hermit I do have friends and I enjoy seeing them. Some I don’t see often (or ever) but I adore them nonetheless, because I am capable of loving from a distance (I am in a long distance relationship after all). Friends don’t depreciate over time, even if some people seem to think so.

They are human beings with characteristics of their own, separate from my influence and admiration. Basically what I mean to say is, they don’t stop being awesome when they’re not around me.

My Boyfriend

This man helped me overcome the vast majority of my commitment issues and continuously makes me feel loved. We can’t see each other often (long distance as I mentioned), but we speak every day and hope to live together in a few months. He encourages me constantly, asking about school and contemplating the meanings behind my poetry.

We push each other to do well and support each other when things become hard. He’s a wonderful addition to my life and I am grateful to have met him. He is sunshine!

My Sister

Sometimes it seems like she and I are complete opposites and in some cases, we really are. But I’m fortunate enough to be able to witness the silliness that is my sister. She often hides that side of herself, but I know it’s there and I adore it. She’s there for me when nobody else is and vice versa.

Growing up together was hard, in more ways than one, but I would do it all again as long as she was by my side.

4. Mental Illness

And by that I mean my own, not that it exists in general. Weird, right? Let me explain.

As much as I abhor having to put up with mental illness, it has shed light on dark corners I never would have seen otherwise. It pushes me to self-reflect and achieve greater self-awareness. It has been a struggle in life that taught me how to cope and survive, while still being capable of loving and appreciating the good that does come to me.

It has created a more empathetic and understanding person in me. I am open and try to keep judgement to a minimum, and I owe some (possibly most) to my own experiences with mental illness.

5. Writing

I’m pretty good at it, although I don’t do it nearly as often as I should or want to. It’s an outlet that has proven to be highly useful in various ways. Words have felt the weight of my disdain and feathery brush strokes of love. They are comforting in their indifference. I enjoy being able to manipulate them as I see fit, sometimes growing complacent with their limits but one can only expect so much.

– – – – – – – – – –

So there you have it, just a few things and people I’m grateful for in my life. I feel better already. Thank you, Leroy (this is where the smug winky face comes in – go ahead, envision it, I assure you it’s peeking out at you from behind these words)!

Have another photo or two of my cat. She makes me smile.

Kesha

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~ by Moonstruck on March 13, 2014.

5 Responses to “And I can breathe again.”

  1. This is really well done! 😀 It’s good to be grateful for things, especially on those bad days. It really puts things into perspective! Really well done Rayven 🙂 And of course, thank you for the promotion. You’re crazy awesome :3

  2. You are so beautiful and I was honored to read this after knowing you so long

  3. You have not posted in a while. I demand a new one! :3

    Sincerely,

    Your biggest fan.

    • Haha, I know, it’s terrible! I’ve been working on a couple posts, but keep getting distracted. The last couple days have been all about getting a new apartment.

      I will post something today, hopefully! But Thursday latest. ;3 Thank you, Leroy! Always so encouraging.

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