The monsters within have a way of leaving scars.

Triggered by the death of a loved one, mental illness, failure, social pressures, bullying, and many other trials of life, a number of people have succumbed to self-harm. I was one of those people.

There is no atypical individual who takes part in this act. You never know who could be dealing with this addiction. The many forms of self-harm can become a dependable release. It is a mental paradox; a way to take control while losing it all at the same time.

If you look up the term “self-harm” on Google images you are certain to find a vast array of scars littered across wrists. Usually a woman’s. However, there are countless other ways a person may be deliberately hurting themselves and many males perform such devastating acts as well. It is important to understand that these acts are not meant to bring an end. It is important to know how difficult it is for a person to bring physical harm to themselves. It takes an abundance of mental agony to bring yourself to do it.


Self-harm is not a competition. It is not a sport among the mentally ill devised to show just how much you suffer over another. It is not glamorous. When I started self-harming at the age of 15, my then-boyfriend told me that my way of doing it was “silly” and “childish”. At the time I was using safety pins to draw things all over my skin. There was hardly any blood, but it always stung and raised up so I could sit and continuously brush my fingers over the scratches. They would always scab up and I would pick them.

So in order to show him I wasn’t a child, I moved on to blades.

There is no “woe is me” mentality. The majority of self-abusers hide their scars and their pain, and if they don’t, then they are likely getting ready to die. Any one of these people need help.

Whether you choose to burn yourself, scratch or claw at your skin, cut, bite, binge drink, abuse drugs, or any other means of self-hatred, you are ill. You are not coping with your life’s problems in a healthy, productive way. These behaviours need to be replaced by a healthier state of mind and above all, hope.

“One must still have chaos in oneself
to be able to give birth to a dancing star.”

This is a very touchy subject for me and for too many others. Not only because I’ve gone through it, but because I know others who have. I understand how hard it is to stop and how the thoughts will always be there. It is especially devastating when people you care about scold you and talk down to you when you’ve admitted to going through with it.

Sometimes people don’t understand that you already hate yourself enough; you don’t need their hatred on top of it. If you are someone who is kind enough to offer an ear and a warm embrace then I greatly appreciate you. You are an amazing human being.

There’s so much more to say on this topic, but I will leave it here for now. Feel free to share any of your stories, memories, or thoughts. I welcome them, as always!

you can do eet


~ by Moonstruck on August 29, 2013.

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