Potential Unraveling of a Self-Fulfilling Prophecy

trappedSuffocating by ~JolsAriella

I was laying in bed feeling like complete garbage because of the flu and of course, since mind and body are so connected, my brain wasn’t feeling too well either. The aches and occasional sharp pains in my muscles and joints made my body tingle in a way that was reminiscent of intoxication. So, perhaps my mind decided to follow suit.

I kept thinking about a dream I had the other night at my brother Jamey’s house. He lives on the penthouse floor of a pretty high building and in the dream, we were talking beside a door in Gracie’s room (his daughter). When he opened the door, it lead to the outside of the building. I approached the edge and looked straight down, feeling afraid of the great height before me.

Jamey kept saying, “wow you could really just jump right out, just go for it, dive!” I wanted to, but I was so afraid and in the end I couldn’t bring myself to do it. A door in a dream is pretty straightforward.

dream_door_by_intao-d38wk29Dream Door by ~intao

To dream that you are entering through a door signifies new opportunities that are presented before you. You are entering into a new stage in your life and moving from one level of consciousness to another. In particular, a door that opens to the outside signifies your need to be more accessible to others, whereas a door that opens into the inside denotes your desire for inner exploration and self-discovery. To see an opened door in your dream symbolizes you receptiveness and willingness to accept new ideas/concepts.

- - (x) - -

The entire concept of the dream is not surprising or new to me, but to have it represented so clearly in front of me was a shock and I suppose it’s a sign that the need to actually deal with it is fast approaching. The idea of making a decision that has the ability to change so much in my life is overwhelming. I don’t even feel connected to the world around me enough to make the decision in the first place.

Emotionally inaccessible, as the dream implies. “To dream that you are afraid of heights denotes that you are striving for goals that seem beyond your reach.” (x) I have constantly tried to find the hope I lost over 6 months ago. I feel a part of me has died away and I will never get it back. It’s disturbing, to say the least.

And when I think of all this – the scared person, frozen in place – a particular image comes to mind that helps to express how I feel.

I’m standing in the middle of a cold, concrete slab. There is a transparent dome around me, which is surrounded by all the people I know and care about. There is grass and sunlight on their side. I stand there, not feeling particularly sad about my situation. The feeling is a rather numbed sort of nostalgia. The people place their hands on the dome and imprints begin to form. I can tell they’re pushing.

All of a sudden a hand breaks through and a finger grazes my arm. I shiver and for a second I can breathe. I can breathe in a way I couldn’t before and I’m reminded of how lonely I really am in the dome. I’m happy because in that moment I feel something more than the numb sense of longing, yet sad because I’m reminded of what I’ve lost.

The hand retracts and I revert back to the former, passive individual.

You would think that I could take some sort of solace in knowing that the majority of bad things that have brought me here aren’t my fault. But it’s exactly that knowledge that has cast aside all passion from my inner workings. I have been conditioned to believe that no matter how hard I try, I will lose everything. I will end up hurt, and there’s absolutely nothing I can do about it.

However, I do understand that an attitude such as this will only keep me from gaining. In adopting an attitude that says there is no point does just that. In which case, I’m dooming myself – the potential unraveling of negative self-fulfilling prophecy.

“Dream lofty dreams, and as you dream, so you shall become. Your vision is the promise of what you shall one day be; your ideal is the prophecy of what you shall at last unveil.”

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~ by Moonstruck on May 13, 2013.

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