Sitting here, watching you talking like I’m already gone.

“Who was it telling me, honestly, honesty is all about the timing? Oh, my bad. There I was thinking that honesty is all about the truth.”

Things have been really upside-down for me and it’s a little distressing. Trying to find a place to stay, figuring out where to go from here. I have finally settled on the idea of staying at my mom’s new place. With some convincing on my part, she has accepted the idea of me sharing a room with her. We’re both going to focus on looking for a job and gaining some steady income. I will have to work out budgeting with school and OSAP.

I understand people’s concerns about where I’m going. I know that from the outside my life can look disorganized but honestly, there isn’t a set scheme for every little thing. I see my friends a lot but just because they’re young, doesn’t mean their main focus is partying. They’ve helped me get through so much. I don’t hang around assholes who don’t give a shit about where I’m going with my life.

I finally spoke to my uncle for the first time, after a month of not being home. I was not surprised by anything he said, except I was upset to hear how little he really understood my side. I mean, I know he can identify with my situation and doesn’t want me living that life. But when it came to really listening and seeing that I wasn’t being treated properly, he made excuses for my Aunt. I don’t really blame him though. It just hurts.

ImageMy sentiments exactly.

I just can’t wait for tomorrow to be over with. Getting my things and looking straight ahead. Sometimes you really just have to accept that your perspective isn’t going to be understood, no matter how much you wish it were.

What to gain from the conversation:

  • confidence in the idea that I will be moving out of a place that can suit my most basic needs, but is flawed in satisfying emotional needs
  • both my family and I have accepted my decision and it is understood that plans will be moving forward
  • relief in the fact that I have finally confronted them in some way
  • knowing I will not have such limiting time constraints during my day
  • freedom to work within a schedule that suits my own needs

Just have to take what I get and do what I can with it. The lack of confidence in me just pushes further motivation. If I can do this, show people that I can plan accordingly and make things work the way I want and need them to, then I will be satisfied.

I’m not incompetent. I do know there are some changes I need to make in myself as well. I will figure those out soon enough. For now, I just need to get my things out and decide what I need and what to put in storage. I will continue from there.


~ by Moonstruck on April 9, 2013.

One Response to “Sitting here, watching you talking like I’m already gone.”

  1. […] Sitting here, watching you talking like I’m already gone. ( […]

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